Communication is, in many ways, a full-time activity. But as a parent you may not stand back and think about how you speak or listen - the two vital components of communication - to your children. One of the biggest issues I come across as a parent coach is helping parents overcome the barriers and misunderstandings brought about by poor or ineffective communication.
Before you begin radically overhauling your communication style and skills,you need to evaluate how you listen and speak with your children on a daily basis. The following sections cover some of the most essential - but often overlooked - aspects of communication.
Questions are very powerful. They're the currency of good communication, unlocking confusion and facilitating understanding
. The key to really effective communication is asking the right questions and then sitting back to really listen to the answers. Real listening isn't merely waiting for your turn to speak. Parents can have a huge impact on the development of their children's language skills and mental development by asking open-ended questions. An open-ended question needs a descriptive answer, whereas you can answer a closed question quickly with a short yes or no. Open-ended questions help a child develop his or her thought processes. The ability to communicate is significantly improved by having to think properly about an answer.
Open-ended questions typically begin with interrogative words - how, what,when, who, how much, and where.
Questions beginning with 'why' are also open-ended, but you may want to use them sparingly or avoid them altogether. Why questions tend to make children feel defensive, as if you're criticising them. Think of your feelings if someone said, 'So why did you spill the breakfast cereal all over the table?'or 'Why didn't you ring me at 10 o'clock like you promised?'Improving your questioning skills is pretty straightforward. Begin by observing your questions and taking a moment to phrase each so that it is open ended before you utter it.
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